Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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