I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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