i just google imaged poop.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
