sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
