grandma shit on top of the toilet
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
