There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
