At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
