their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
