I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
