Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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