He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
