After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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