stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
