Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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