3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
