The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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