she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
