I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have post one night stand depression
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