Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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