Duck Duck Cougar?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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