Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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