Screwed.edu
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
