my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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