I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
