dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
