FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
