:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
