I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
