stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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