I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
