just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
