Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
