My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you would pick up someone in the library
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
