If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
