My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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