yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
