Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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