I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
