When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
