She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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