So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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