I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
