It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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