I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
