So drunk its hurt
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he fucked my hip out of place.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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