I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
