he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
