I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
