3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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