That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
