WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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