also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
FUCK WHALES
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
