I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
